The Looking Glass

Monday Morning Musing # 5

“Other people’s defenses look unreasonable only because you can’t see their memories”
-Unknown

From time to time I will jot down quotes that resonate with me in my Blackberry.  Sometimes I remember to note the author and at other times I do not. In the case of the above quote, unfortunately I did not. However, the quote remains valid and powerful.

Source: NYDailyNews.com

It is indeed true that others' defenses appear unreasonable to us. In most cases, such is true because we naturally view their defenses, flaws and expectations through the lenses of our own life. We make hasty decisions about the intentions of others based upon how we would respond. In fact, observing our personal thoughts and how we perceive others can serve as a looking glass into the depths of our own psyche.

Think of situation in which you jumped to an erroneous conclusion about a simple matter. It’s happened to all of us. Or, perhaps there was a time that you assumed that your partner committed a particular action in ill-will. If we take a closer look at our thought processes around our assumptions, we will likely find that the assumption had more to do with our defenses and less with the person’s intentions.

Our defenses derive from places of pain, hurt and insecurities. We all have them (and some more than others). The memories of our lives create a backdrop that often influences not only the way we see ourselves, but the way by which we see others. Our defenses, albeit counterproductive at times, are mechanisms that influence every aspect of our lives.

The Take Away Point for this Week

Sometimes, in efforts to learn about others on a deeper level, we must initiate conversation about the story behind the defenses.  This week examine the way in which you view others’ defenses.  Take a little time to get to know that person on another level. Their story, just as yours, are rich and full of setbacks and achievements.

Then, take a step back and look at your own defenses. What are you most afraid of? How do you respond when you are afraid? How are those defenses communicated to others? I believe you’ll find that we all have our stuff, which is why grace is in order when dealing with others. Shall we agree to extend a bit of grace this week?

Here’s to a splendid week! ‘Til next time… être bien!

DISCLAIMER:  I recognize that “defenses” is a broad term that, for many, can include abusive behaviors. I am by NO means encouraging anyone to entertain such behavior. No one should tolerate abuse under any circumstance.  For help: 1.800.799.SAFE
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