You get what you pray for!

I have a confession. Sometimes, I pray for something and when it arrives I forget that I asked for it. 

I have an inclination to believe that I am not the only person with this issue. I suspect that there are many reasons why this happens. Perhaps it’s because we ask for things in the midst of a crisis and once cooler heads prevail, we realize it’s not as much of a crisis as we thought. Or, maybe it’s that we make a request to God and he answers in his own time, which may often be after we’ve moved on to other requests. There are times that I get so lost in my time with God and who He is, that all other cares fade away, including my immediate request. Whatever the case, for me, it often requires me to institute mindfulness to recognize the answers to my prayers have arrived.

The other day, in a moment of meditation, I realized that God has answered a major prayer request of mine. It was a revelatory moment.  Right there, under my nose, was a major move of God and I didn’t even notice it! How could this happen? How could God change my world in such a major way and I not even catch it?!

As always, those thoughts led me to a trail of other thoughts that helped me to arrive at a few confirmations:

• God does indeed answer prayers.
• God’s love is unconditional. He meets our needs even when we’re not paying close enough attention to even say thank you.
• Mindfulness is essential in developing our relationship with God, and with others.
•  Just as God is patience and unconditional in his love towards us, we (referring to believers) are called to extend this same grace to others.

I can’t speak for you, but I sure do have work to do regarding mindfulness in my relationships, especially in my relationship with God. I have a sneaky suspicion that if I was able to miss a major move of God occurring right under my nose, then it’s likely that I have missed a few others things. In the midst of a whirlwind life of high expectations, constant demands and pressures, it behooves me to recognize where God is moving. More importantly, it is necessary for me to join God where he’s moving, which can’t happen without mindfulness.

Happy Friday!

'Til next time...être bien!

The Looking Glass

Monday Morning Musing # 5

“Other people’s defenses look unreasonable only because you can’t see their memories”
-Unknown

From time to time I will jot down quotes that resonate with me in my Blackberry.  Sometimes I remember to note the author and at other times I do not. In the case of the above quote, unfortunately I did not. However, the quote remains valid and powerful.

Source: NYDailyNews.com

It is indeed true that others' defenses appear unreasonable to us. In most cases, such is true because we naturally view their defenses, flaws and expectations through the lenses of our own life. We make hasty decisions about the intentions of others based upon how we would respond. In fact, observing our personal thoughts and how we perceive others can serve as a looking glass into the depths of our own psyche.

Think of situation in which you jumped to an erroneous conclusion about a simple matter. It’s happened to all of us. Or, perhaps there was a time that you assumed that your partner committed a particular action in ill-will. If we take a closer look at our thought processes around our assumptions, we will likely find that the assumption had more to do with our defenses and less with the person’s intentions.

Our defenses derive from places of pain, hurt and insecurities. We all have them (and some more than others). The memories of our lives create a backdrop that often influences not only the way we see ourselves, but the way by which we see others. Our defenses, albeit counterproductive at times, are mechanisms that influence every aspect of our lives.

The Take Away Point for this Week

Sometimes, in efforts to learn about others on a deeper level, we must initiate conversation about the story behind the defenses.  This week examine the way in which you view others’ defenses.  Take a little time to get to know that person on another level. Their story, just as yours, are rich and full of setbacks and achievements.

Then, take a step back and look at your own defenses. What are you most afraid of? How do you respond when you are afraid? How are those defenses communicated to others? I believe you’ll find that we all have our stuff, which is why grace is in order when dealing with others. Shall we agree to extend a bit of grace this week?

Here’s to a splendid week! ‘Til next time… être bien!

DISCLAIMER:  I recognize that “defenses” is a broad term that, for many, can include abusive behaviors. I am by NO means encouraging anyone to entertain such behavior. No one should tolerate abuse under any circumstance.  For help: 1.800.799.SAFE
(7233)

A Victim of Singleness?

Your state of victimization did this to cupid!

As a single person, I have come to realize that we often create a persona of victimization in our minds. It's clearly evidenced in our conversations from day-to-day concerning our financial situation and personal life, among other topics. My experience and conversations with other singles has taught me that we often view our singleness as a form of punishment or purely unfair. It is indeed true that there are factors that may contribute to one's singleness, especially among African Americans. This is a fact. But, do those factors qualify a single person as a victim? Say it with me, "I am not a victim of my singleness". However, seeing yourself as a victim can certainly result in remaining single.

Americans have historically adopted the idea of 2.5 kids and a house with a white picket fence as the American Dream. Though not often stated in the cliche, the dream historically includes the institution of marriage. This dream, as we know it, is evolving (in both negative and positive fashion). However, as evidenced by the growing number of matchmakers (websites and professionals), singles still desire to get married. Let's face it, who wants to grow old alone?

The manner in which one views himself as a single person can have a profound effect on how long they remain single. I say "some", because I do not feel that it is every person's fate to marry (though singles do not want to accept this fact). If one decides to see himself as a victim in singleness, he/she must also accept the fact that they are seeking to be rescued (a recipe for disaster in any marriage). For example,  a single woman may consider her life to be hard and unfair because she has to carry my own groceries into the house or get her own oil changed in her car. This very attitude has a direct effect on how she presents herself to a potential mate. Her displeasure and discontentment with the tasks associated with her own life will paint a vivid picture in any man's mind. All it takes is a couple of conversations.

Men are not exempt. A man  may see his life as less than convenient because he doesn't have a woman to put a meal on the table every night. In turn, he stands the risk of appearing chauvinistic and  lazy to a potential wife, thus reducing his chances to get to know her. The aforementioned examples are minor (and perhaps trivial), but they are indicative of further-reaching situations that we often use to validate our state of victimization.

Being single is not a curse. In fact, one can choose to see it as a gift. Notice that I say, "choose". In order to do so, I believe one must consciously commit to not comparing his/her life as a single to the life of a married person. There will always be advantages to both marital status. When  the time comes, those advantages and disadvantages can be enjoyed or suffered accordingly. In the meantime, I say enjoy the life you have because, 1) tomorrow's not promised and 2) life can change so quickly that today's hopes can become tomorrow's reality.

Celebrate love today!

‘Til next time…être bien!

The Cure for the Lackluster Life

Monday Morning Musings Series: Mondays are arguably the most dreaded day of the week. For many they represent the beginning of an ever-growing to-do list and reentry into the rat race of life. If the aforementioned describes you, Monday Morning Musings (MMMs) are written with you in mind. Over the next six weeks, I will post new installments into the MMM series. It is my hope that each post will inspire you and invigorate your week with a bit of love and inspiration. My only request....Pay it Forward by sharing MMMs with those you love. 


Monday Morning Musing 1: The Death of a Lackluster Life

Seed what you need. These four simple words, spoken by an internet-famed motivational speaker, resonated with me in a peculiar fashion. The concept is simple, yet life-changing. It reminds me of an African proverb that says, "Gbogbo nnkan l'o l'esan." Translated into English, it means, "Everything has its repayment."

If such is the case, perhaps the cure for the lackluster life is to willingly give to others what you need most. Are you seeking love? Love others unconditionally. Are you lonely? Extend companionship to someone else. Are you broke? Give! Such acts are not committed simply with the thought of receiving a reward in mind. The Law of Reciprocity and the Power of Reciprocity is not the same, as the latter suggest that one intentionally gifts another only to receive a favor in return. To the contrary, one gives openly, loves more and seeds great friendship with companionship, not only to simply receive but to impact the lives of others.

The Law of Reciprocity permeates every culture, ethnicity and religious doctrine. It confirms that there is indeed a consequence for every action. Our actions set forth energy on our behalf. What energy will you set forth this week? 


Til next time...être bien!


Up next: The Laws of Adulthood

2011 is the Year of Love!

A confirmation gift given to me by a 

friend.

*cue the harp, horns and African drums*
Consider this a public service announcement... 2011 is the YEAR OF LOVE! If I had started this blog on January 1st this would have been my very first post. But, since I didn't, you are receiving the news a bit late. Perhaps, love has already found you.  

Have you ever had that feeling that something's brewing? A feeling that something good is about to happen but you just can't put your finger on it? Well, I have that feeling my dears. Love ushered in this year with a number of wedding engagements (for friends), fresh new beginnings and lifted spirits. This is a vast difference from years past (especially the past two) when people were making every attempt to keep their heads above water. The downturn of the economy had an effect on more than just purse strings. The hearts of many were broken and tested by an instant change of lifestyle. Others found out the answer to Tina's question of "what's love got to do with it?” 

For some, the struggles of unemployment, reduced income and all that the downturn has introduced, may not be over. However, it is my most sincere belief that love awaits us in this new year, regardless of circumstance. I am not only referring to romantic love (I certainly believe that awaits me) but a deeper understanding, sharing and receiving of all love.  

My confidence lies in my own commitment to seed more love. I am convinced that love is indeed the greatest gift one can give to another. Love is powerful. It can blind you to the imperfections of others and heal you from the experiences of those imperfections. Love is contagious, captivating and mesmerizing. It is our greatest friend and our closest companion. Will you allow love to change your life this year?

"Til next time...Happy Valentine's Day and être bien!

Exposé # 1

Transparency can be therapeutic. Far too often we hide behind the person we want to be instead of existing in the beauty of who we are. So, taking my cues from one of my favorite bloggers, I chose a few questions from the Proust questionnaire that I believe will facilitate us getting to know each other better...

What do you savor?

I savor the delicate places in my heart where love has taken up residence and the way it makes me smile when I think of it.

I savor the vibrant morsels of ethnic cuisine that transport me to places that I've never traveled.

I savor the precious moments that I spend with my mother and sister when we do what sisters and daughters do.

I savor the leap that occurs in my spirit each time I step into a classroom to learn about the likes of Murray Bowen, Salvador Minuchin and Virginia Satir.

I savor the ever-gentle kindness that has been imparted to me by dear friends and true loves.

Describe something you learned the "hard way."

Listen the first time! Better to get it right the first time than to repeat the lesson over, and over and over again. 

What do you do when nobody happens to be watching?

Wow! I pretend I am a neo-soul singer. *singing loud and off-key* I always say, I didn't receive the gift of a beautiful voice because God knew I would abuse it. 

What's your favorite family tradition?

I love the time we spend together at my mother's home on New Year's Day. Each year we meet at her house, right after church (or wherever people are coming from) for a late night/early morning breakfast (around 1:00 am). The spread includes everything from shrimp and grits to fresh toast casserole. It's the last cheat meal before the New Years goals kick in.

What do you do to get centered?

I reminisce on the times when I wasn't centered and how I felt during those times. I remind myself that I have a great purpose to fulfill. My thoughts always find their way back to balance.

What is the best gift you've received from a significant other?

Love. There is no greater gift than love. Further, I received the gift of learning how to love. Talk about a gift that keeps on giving. :-)

How do you define success?

Success resides in fulfilling the purpose of your existence. We all have one. We just have to find it. This is the road to success. You will know it when you find it.

What have you learned about yourself through your friendships?

This is a loaded question... let's see if I can't answer concisely, as the lessons are many. 

- I don't have all of the answers.

- People value my advice.

- I construct realities in my head that do not exist.

- I am loved.

- Some things are better left unsaid.

Have you ever felt that you had a special calling?

Absolutely. I feel it everyday. I know that the calling upon my life to help others achieve their full potential is great. I am often overwhelmed by the things that God reveals to me. In terms of "special"...well, it's special because it was given to me (and only me) to achieve. That doesn't mean that it will occur in a vacuum, but the initial responsibilities are often revealed to me first.

"Til next time...être bien!