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| Your state of victimization did this to cupid! |
As a single person, I have come to realize that we often create a persona of victimization in our minds. It's clearly evidenced in our conversations from day-to-day concerning our financial situation and personal life, among other topics. My experience and conversations with other singles has taught me that we often view our singleness as a form of punishment or purely unfair. It is indeed true that there are factors that may contribute to one's singleness, especially among African Americans. This is a fact. But, do those factors qualify a single person as a victim? Say it with me, "I am not a victim of my singleness". However, seeing yourself as a victim can certainly result in remaining single.
Americans have historically adopted the idea of 2.5 kids and a house with a white picket fence as the American Dream. Though not often stated in the cliche, the dream historically includes the institution of marriage. This dream, as we know it, is evolving (in both negative and positive fashion). However, as evidenced by the growing number of matchmakers (websites and professionals), singles still desire to get married. Let's face it, who wants to grow old alone?
The manner in which one views himself as a single person can have a profound effect on how long they remain single. I say "some", because I do not feel that it is every person's fate to marry (though singles do not want to accept this fact). If one decides to see himself as a victim in singleness, he/she must also accept the fact that they are seeking to be rescued (a recipe for disaster in any marriage). For example, a single woman may consider her life to be hard and unfair because she has to carry my own groceries into the house or get her own oil changed in her car. This very attitude has a direct effect on how she presents herself to a potential mate. Her displeasure and discontentment with the tasks associated with her own life will paint a vivid picture in any man's mind. All it takes is a couple of conversations.
Men are not exempt. A man may see his life as less than convenient because he doesn't have a woman to put a meal on the table every night. In turn, he stands the risk of appearing chauvinistic and lazy to a potential wife, thus reducing his chances to get to know her. The aforementioned examples are minor (and perhaps trivial), but they are indicative of further-reaching situations that we often use to validate our state of victimization.
Being single is not a curse. In fact, one can choose to see it as a gift. Notice that I say, "choose". In order to do so, I believe one must consciously commit to not comparing his/her life as a single to the life of a married person. There will always be advantages to both marital status. When the time comes, those advantages and disadvantages can be enjoyed or suffered accordingly. In the meantime, I say enjoy the life you have because, 1) tomorrow's not promised and 2) life can change so quickly that today's hopes can become tomorrow's reality.
Celebrate love today!
‘Til next time…être bien!
Americans have historically adopted the idea of 2.5 kids and a house with a white picket fence as the American Dream. Though not often stated in the cliche, the dream historically includes the institution of marriage. This dream, as we know it, is evolving (in both negative and positive fashion). However, as evidenced by the growing number of matchmakers (websites and professionals), singles still desire to get married. Let's face it, who wants to grow old alone?
The manner in which one views himself as a single person can have a profound effect on how long they remain single. I say "some", because I do not feel that it is every person's fate to marry (though singles do not want to accept this fact). If one decides to see himself as a victim in singleness, he/she must also accept the fact that they are seeking to be rescued (a recipe for disaster in any marriage). For example, a single woman may consider her life to be hard and unfair because she has to carry my own groceries into the house or get her own oil changed in her car. This very attitude has a direct effect on how she presents herself to a potential mate. Her displeasure and discontentment with the tasks associated with her own life will paint a vivid picture in any man's mind. All it takes is a couple of conversations.
Men are not exempt. A man may see his life as less than convenient because he doesn't have a woman to put a meal on the table every night. In turn, he stands the risk of appearing chauvinistic and lazy to a potential wife, thus reducing his chances to get to know her. The aforementioned examples are minor (and perhaps trivial), but they are indicative of further-reaching situations that we often use to validate our state of victimization.
Being single is not a curse. In fact, one can choose to see it as a gift. Notice that I say, "choose". In order to do so, I believe one must consciously commit to not comparing his/her life as a single to the life of a married person. There will always be advantages to both marital status. When the time comes, those advantages and disadvantages can be enjoyed or suffered accordingly. In the meantime, I say enjoy the life you have because, 1) tomorrow's not promised and 2) life can change so quickly that today's hopes can become tomorrow's reality.
Celebrate love today!
‘Til next time…être bien!
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