Confidence vs. Arrogance: A Conundrum

For all intents and purposes let’s start with the basics…

Confidence
1 a: a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances b: faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way 
2: the quality or state of being certain 
arrogance
: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions

My interactions with others and all that I see in the world today leads me to believe that people have no clue that the aforementioned have different meanings. As I skim through the status updates that appear upon log in, I am often irritated and confused. It appears that many people have created a science out of “tooting their own horn”. In fact, the horn has been tooted so much that its blaring howl prevents one from hearing anything else.

Make no mistake; I am the first one to celebrate a person with confidence in their abilities. However, confidence turns to arrogance when one feels the need to remind people on a regular basis of their greatness. The truth is, if you are seriously that fantastic other people probably already know it. I see no purpose in reminding people of the obvious. In my opinion, reminders are only needed if you are unsure of who you are.

When I log into Facebook and hear the countless horns tooting away, I feel sad and concerned. Especially considering a large number (nearly all) of these people are adults. Instead of hearing the kudos, I hear the following (I have inserted random fictitious samples to drive my point):

Status: My swag is at an all time high. Get on my level.
Translation:  “I’m insecure. But I want you to believe that I have it all together. “

Status:  You gon’ wish you never left this. Don’t you know who I am? He does me right. Don’t hate.
Translation: “I’m immature. I am mad at my last man and trying to make him jealous with my new man. I want everybody to know that I am getting some and that I have a new man!”
(Not to add the new man changes every week)

Status: I am the best thing that ever happened to the world. Thank me!
Translation: “Not only am I grossly delusional, but I want you to think that I think highly of myself. In actuality, I am trying to convince myself that I am great, because my self-esteem is majorly low”

The preceding status updates may seem far-fetched but I have actually heard much worst. It saddens me to think that, even as adults, we have not arrived at the wisdom's doorstep called modesty. Even more unfortunate is the fact that people will comment and celebrate this foolishness, thus encouraging more of it. I guess misery does indeed love company.

My grandmother would tell me as a young girl, “Let someone else toot your horn sometimes.”  I learned the power of such as I aged; I found modesty to have its place in every lady’s life. I’m not saying that we should not have confidence and congratulate ourselves when we accomplish greatness.  However, I am saying that we should live a life that beckons positive acclaim. It is my belief that those who live out loud with purpose and zeal will always get noticed. Yet it’s noteworthy that they are rarely the ones seeking kudos.

When we try to convince others that we are great by attempting to assert our superiority, we appear insecure and shallow. We reek of unhappiness and have a negative effect on everyone that we touch. Perhaps we should reserve our energy for the time that we need to legitimately compete, hence requiring us to “toot” just a little bit. Modesty and confidence are attributes that everyone can appreciate in a husband, wife, coworker or friend. But arrogance just plain stinks up the place no matter where you go.


'Til next time...être bien!

The Pleasure of Goodbye

I just realized that I don't miss them. You know, all the people that were strategically removed because of their toxicity or negativity. I just realized that I do not miss them.  

At the end of each year, I spend time reflecting on the months prior. In years past, my reflections revealed typically one or two people lingering on the list, awaiting the boot. The unfortunate fact is, they often didn't know it. So, as 2010 ended, I embarked upon my usual 3-4 day reflection. I used this time to evaluate myself (one must always start with self), evaluate the status of my long-term goals, and to assess current relationships. The conclusion... 2010 was a year of purging. Negative relationships were released, poor habits were evicted and for the small thinkers...security was summonsed.

Last year was filled with pitfalls and victories. Some of my most fervent prayers were answered after years of conversations with God. Though my victories came at a high price, I am grateful for the experience. Nevertheless, what became most apparent during my reflections was that a couple of relationships that were very dear to me ended in 2010. One was a friendship of over 20 years and the other a friendship with a prior love interest. Both of them were people that I shared some of happiest moments of my life. However, their time had expired. Simple as that. Their placement in my life was no longer beneficial. More importantly, my placement in their life lacked purpose.  

Often, we tend to hold on to people (or things) that we deem necessary or important. Yet, we fail to realize that the very thing that we are holding on to may be a barrier to our full potential. For this reason, we must always remain aware of patterns of behavior. As the saying goes, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them". Don't misunderstand me; I am not suggesting that we keep a tally of the wrongs or inefficiencies of others. None of us are in a position to keep such a record.  Instead, I am suggesting that one must become relentless about removing, rearranging, restructuring or revising anything that stands between them and the fulfillment of purpose in this life.  

I still love the people that I had to remove. I honor the season that they occupied. However, the truth is, people change. Sometimes, they change in a way that is not conducive to your current season. If they remain they will indeed become distractions. There is value in loving someone from a distance.

So, for now....Au revoir ma chère.


What do you need to let go of today? I'd love to hear your thoughts via email or comments. There's freedom in open expression.


Next up: Monday Morning Musings

When Success Goes Green

Source: The City Fix

Life has provided me with many experiences. My travels have lead me to many people and personalities. Yet, there is one green-eyed character that tends to only visit when "success" (or the appearance of such) is apparent. Mr. or Mrs. Insecurity comes to the party decked in the greenest of fashion with the sole purpose of causing one to second guess their own destiny.

  

It has been my personal experience that success has a way of threatening those who are insecure. Albeit unintentional, the minute that your dreams begin to take form, there will be someone who will straddle the line between friend and foe. Their personal insecurities will be heightened and shaken by your success. Unfortunately, it can be difficult sometimes to identify the foe because they wear the costume of "friend". After all, they were some of your biggest cheerleaders along the way, even if they were cheering from the sidelines.

The truth is, the view from the sideline can be pleasant but it's nothing like being in the game. The players in the game have a different perspective, as they are closely engaged with the activities of victory. In fact, it's highly unlikely that those in the game even notice those on the sidelines, beyond mere glimpses from the peripheral view. Yet, somehow your gumption to pursue victory threatens their hope for success.

If is my belief that Mr. & Mrs. Insecurity show up to the game dressed in the greenest of green, most likely because they feel their status has been challenged. He/She has reserved their place at the top. As a "friend", you were expected to respect their position. And, though they will never admit it, he/she feels as though they lose a piece of themselves in your success.

Secondly, your success is a reminder of the seat they warmed on the sideline instead of getting in the game. While being preoccupied as a cheerleader and spectator, they lost sight of the very vision that God revealed for their own lives. Spectating has its place, as much can be learned from observing others. However, as a hobby it can become a distraction from one's purpose.

Or perhaps it's none of the aforementioned. Maybe, Mr. or Mrs. Insecurity has yet to find their unique place in this world. They may be unaware that what they bring to the game is wonderfully and perfectly engineered to compliment a specific season and purpose. One's talent can never be threatened or duplicated as it holds infinite and unique quality.

Whatever the case, you should never allow the insecurities of others to affect your success and joy. The journey that you have been assigned has been carefully designed for you, as has the journey of Mr. and Mrs. Insecurity. As unfortunate as it may be, we are often placed in the lives of others as an example of the infinite power of the Creator. If they chose to see (and wear) green instead it will certainly be their personal loss.

Let us decide to genuinely celebrate the successes of others. It is a reminder of the undying grace presented to us each day.

'Til next time... être bien!