Confidence vs. Arrogance: A Conundrum

For all intents and purposes let’s start with the basics…

Confidence
1 a: a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances b: faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way 
2: the quality or state of being certain 
arrogance
: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions

My interactions with others and all that I see in the world today leads me to believe that people have no clue that the aforementioned have different meanings. As I skim through the status updates that appear upon log in, I am often irritated and confused. It appears that many people have created a science out of “tooting their own horn”. In fact, the horn has been tooted so much that its blaring howl prevents one from hearing anything else.

Make no mistake; I am the first one to celebrate a person with confidence in their abilities. However, confidence turns to arrogance when one feels the need to remind people on a regular basis of their greatness. The truth is, if you are seriously that fantastic other people probably already know it. I see no purpose in reminding people of the obvious. In my opinion, reminders are only needed if you are unsure of who you are.

When I log into Facebook and hear the countless horns tooting away, I feel sad and concerned. Especially considering a large number (nearly all) of these people are adults. Instead of hearing the kudos, I hear the following (I have inserted random fictitious samples to drive my point):

Status: My swag is at an all time high. Get on my level.
Translation:  “I’m insecure. But I want you to believe that I have it all together. “

Status:  You gon’ wish you never left this. Don’t you know who I am? He does me right. Don’t hate.
Translation: “I’m immature. I am mad at my last man and trying to make him jealous with my new man. I want everybody to know that I am getting some and that I have a new man!”
(Not to add the new man changes every week)

Status: I am the best thing that ever happened to the world. Thank me!
Translation: “Not only am I grossly delusional, but I want you to think that I think highly of myself. In actuality, I am trying to convince myself that I am great, because my self-esteem is majorly low”

The preceding status updates may seem far-fetched but I have actually heard much worst. It saddens me to think that, even as adults, we have not arrived at the wisdom's doorstep called modesty. Even more unfortunate is the fact that people will comment and celebrate this foolishness, thus encouraging more of it. I guess misery does indeed love company.

My grandmother would tell me as a young girl, “Let someone else toot your horn sometimes.”  I learned the power of such as I aged; I found modesty to have its place in every lady’s life. I’m not saying that we should not have confidence and congratulate ourselves when we accomplish greatness.  However, I am saying that we should live a life that beckons positive acclaim. It is my belief that those who live out loud with purpose and zeal will always get noticed. Yet it’s noteworthy that they are rarely the ones seeking kudos.

When we try to convince others that we are great by attempting to assert our superiority, we appear insecure and shallow. We reek of unhappiness and have a negative effect on everyone that we touch. Perhaps we should reserve our energy for the time that we need to legitimately compete, hence requiring us to “toot” just a little bit. Modesty and confidence are attributes that everyone can appreciate in a husband, wife, coworker or friend. But arrogance just plain stinks up the place no matter where you go.


'Til next time...être bien!