Wednesday, April 13

Confidence vs. Arrogance: A Conundrum

For all intents and purposes let’s start with the basics…

Confidence
1 a
a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances bfaith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way 
2
the quality or state of being certain 
arrogance
: an attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions

My interactions with others and all that I see in the world today leads me to believe that people have no clue that the aforementioned have different meanings. As I skim through the status updates that appear upon log in, I am often irritated and confused. It appears that many people have created a science out of “tooting their own horn”. In fact, the horn has been tooted so much that its blaring howl prevents one from hearing anything else.

Make no mistake; I am the first one to celebrate a person with confidence in their abilities. However, confidence turns to arrogance when one feels the need to remind people on a regular basis of their greatness. The truth is, if you are seriously that fantastic other people probably already know it. I see no purpose in reminding people of the obvious. In my opinion, reminders are only needed if you are unsure of who you are.

When I log into Facebook and hear the countless horns tooting away, I feel sad and concerned. Especially considering a large number (nearly all) of these people are adults. Instead of hearing the kudos, I hear the following (I have inserted random fictitious samples to drive my point):

Status: My swag is at an all time high. Get on my level.
Translation:  “I’m insecure. But I want you to believe that I have it all together. “

Status:  You gon’ wish you never left this. Don’t you know who I am? He does me right. Don’t hate.
Translation: “I’m immature. I am mad at my last man and trying to make him jealous with my new man. I want everybody to know that I am getting some and that I have a new man!”
(Not to add the new man changes every week)

Status: I am the best thing that ever happened to the world. Thank me!
Translation: “Not only am I grossly delusional, but I want you to think that I think highly of myself. In actuality, I am trying to convince myself that I am great, because my self-esteem is majorly low”

The preceding status updates may seem far-fetched but I have actually heard much worst. It saddens me to think that, even as adults, we have not arrived at the wisdom's doorstep called modesty. Even more unfortunate is the fact that people will comment and celebrate this foolishness, thus encouraging more of it. I guess misery does indeed love company.

My grandmother would tell me as a young girl, “Let someone else toot your horn sometimes.”  I learned the power of such as I aged; I found modesty to have its place in every lady’s life. I’m not saying that we should not have confidence and congratulate ourselves when we accomplish greatness.  However, I am saying that we should live a life that beckons positive acclaim. It is my belief that those who live out loud with purpose and zeal will always get noticed. Yet it’s noteworthy that they are rarely the ones seeking kudos.

When we try to convince others that we are great by attempting to assert our superiority, we appear insecure and shallow. We reek of unhappiness and have a negative effect on everyone that we touch. Perhaps we should reserve our energy for the time that we need to legitimately compete, hence requiring us to “toot” just a little bit. Modesty and confidence are attributes that everyone can appreciate in a husband, wife, coworker or friend. But arrogance just plain stinks up the place no matter where you go.


'Til next time...être bien!
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Monday, April 11

Winning







Monday Morning Musing #6
Somehow, this concept of "winning" has been grossly misrepresented by our dear friend Charlie Sheen. In recent interviews with various reporters, Mr. Sheen has concisely laid out his concept of "winning". According to him, "winning" is: having tons of beautiful women at your disposal, nice cars and lavish houses, embracing a life where you do exactly what you want with no regard for others and most importantly, pursuing this lifestyle with "violent hatred". He admits that his decision to respond in this matter derives from feeling misused and kicked around.

This comes as no surprise, as most people who are as reckless as he has become are often doing so as a defensive mechanism. 
In my opinion, Mr. Sheen is not winning. As his ratings raise and his popularity soars, it may appear that he is but  be not deceived.

True Winning
Initially, I planned to title this last Monday Morning Musing "The Power of Failing". After further consideration, I decided that "Winning" was a much better title. My intention is to share my personal formula for winning in contrast to Mr. Sheen.

For me, winning is getting up everyday and pursuing the purpose that has been set before me with extreme vigor, tenacity and tunnel-vision focus. The level of focus that I am referring to requires great sacrifice. It often means laughing a nay-sayers, missing out on events that you would like to attend, losing sleep and even losing some friends in the process. In order to truly win, one has to be CRYSTAL clear about their purpose and calling in this life. This vision then becomes that foundation for everything that you do.

More importantly, for me, winning is realizing that in the life of a believer there is no such thing as failure. Every life experience, failure and success alike, provides valuable lessons from which we can learn life-changing principles.  "Winning" is not about the amount of material treasures one can store up. However, it is about the everyday actions and impacts that create the total sum of a legacy that speaks to future generations. It's about having the relentless passion to pursue a purpose or dream with everything within you. Even Mr. Sheen seems to understand this concept, as he has pursued money and revenge with "violent hatred" (his words not mine). So, what's stopping you?


Are you winning? This week, spend a little time thinking about how you are "winning" or what changes you need to make to "win" in this life. We'd love to hear your thoughts! Share them with us by commenting below or Twitter (@lLoveLifeMusings). 

'Til next time...être bien!
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Sunday, April 10

Fashionably Late Spring Cleaning

Available from my closet :-)
Well my friends, I'm doing a little Spring fashion cleaning. What better place to start than my closet? It may come as a surprise, but fashion has always been my second love (Psychology/Counseling is my first). It is my belief that fashion and style is about more than just fabric and garb. In my opinion, fashion is  an outward expression of the inner most parts of a person's soul. It is possible to learn much about a person from what they are wearing. I know, I know...we've all been told to, "Never judge a book by it's cover." But if we're being honest with ourselves (and we should be) we all do it.


Let's face it. Fashion is big business! It's the very reason NY, London, Milan and Paris Fashion Weeks are among the most coveted tickets of the Fall and Spring seasons. However, my thoughts around fashion are not about "haves" or "have nots". For me, it is simply an opportunity to allow my creative juices to flow in a way that brings me great joy. I am not a label-crazed shopper. I will wear anything from thrift to couture...as long as it is effortlessly fabulous and fits my personality (and compliments my body type).


So, I'm getting rid of a few items that have (or never had the opportunity to) serve me well. You can find the fruits of my closet cleaning labors here! At this point, every closet in my home is filled, mostly with clothing that I can no longer wear, as I am now 5 dress sizes smaller. So as I strive to reduce my excess, I welcome you to take a stroll through my closet


'Til next time...être bien!


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Wednesday, April 6

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